Christmas is for humans, and I will
not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents.
Christmas light bulbs, Christmas
ornaments, Christmas stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not
food.
I am the alpha dog, therefore I do
not need to protect my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog
by taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F.
I will not demolish the Christmas
tree and drag the string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy
door.
I will not dive into the Christmas
tree to get the candy canes (which I will eat -- paper and all).
I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until
after they're out of the stocking!
I will not even THINK about going
underneath the Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug.
I will not get into a fight with the
bigger dog next door, making my human have to call the vet's at Christmas.
I will not get tangled up in the
Christmas tree lights and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat
through the conservatory window.
I will not pee on Grandma's
Christmas presents that are under her tree as soon as we enter her house.
I will not pee on the Christmas
tree.
I will not steal the neighbor's
Christmas light bulbs.
A DOGGY WONDERLAND
Dog tags ring, are you
listenin'?
In the lane, snow is
glistenin'.
It's yellow, NOT white - I've been
there tonight,
Marking up my winter
wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my
fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring
vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY
pro-per-ty!
Marked up as my winter
wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a
snowman,
following the classical
design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go
Man,
So all the world will know
it's
mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the
fencepost,
flows my natural incense
boast;
"Stay off of my TURF, this
small piece of earth,
I mark it
as my winter wonderland
