The seven deadly sins of narcissism:

Shamelessness - Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

Magical thinking - Narcissists see themselves as perfect using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.

Arrogance - If a narcissist is feeling deflated, s/he can reinflate him/herself by diminishing, debasing or degrading somebody else.

Envy - If the narcissist's need to secure a sense of superiority meets an obstacle because of somebody else, s/he neutralises it using contempt to minimise the other person's ability

Two Less Lonely People In The World - Our Song

Yes I know this song came out when I was only 7 years old and I never even heard it until I was 14, but for some reason the day I started dating my husband it just kept playing over & over in my head for the next year, so we made it our wedding song.

We danced our first dance as husband and wife to this song on March 17, 1999.  I still use it as a ring tone for when my husband calls. 



Air Supply - Two Less Lonely People - Lyrics

I was down my dreams were wearing thin
When you're lost where do you begin
My heart always seemed to drift from day to day
Looking for the love that never came my way
Then you smiled and I reached out to you
I could tell you were lonely too
One look and then it all began for you and me
The moment that we touched I knew that there would be

CHORUS
Two less lonely people in the world
And it's gonna be fine
Out of all the people in the world
I just can't believe you're mine
In my life where everything was wrong
Something finally went right
Now there's two less lonely people
In the world tonight

Just to think what I might have missed
Looking back how did I exist
I dreamed, still I never thought I'd come this far
But miracles come true, I know 'cause here we are

CHORUS

Tonight I fell in love with you
And all the things I never knew
Seemed to come to me somehow
Baby, love is here and now there's

CHORUS
MY HOME PAGE

Daddy, How was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You've got Male!'

Gotta Love Craigs List!

After all this work getting rid of stuff in the house, we still have a ton left and no energy left for Garage Sales and Ebay, so a plan was born.

The curb in front of our house is about 3 feet wide by 20 feet long, so I filled up about a third of that space with boxes of stuff from the garage and placed an ad on Craigs List reading "Free Stuff on Curb, First Come First Serve". Put out a small mix of stuff as a test to see if this would work and then checked periodically through my peephole!

Viola! Within an hour everything I had put out was gone! Awesome! I now had a way to get rid of everything else! So over a couple of weeks, I loaded up all 60 sq ft of curbspace with furniture, electronics, dishes, wheelchairs, walkers, books, movies, cd's, china and anything else I could drag out there 4 more times! The longest it ever took for everything to disappear was 2 hours. Freedom at last!

On a side note, a charity truck was driving by doing pickups while I was loading up the curb and refused to take my stuff because I wasn't on their schedule! How ridiculous! This was the day I was putting out all kinds of health care items. Walkers, wheelchairs, 3 ways with the tags still attached!

Gotta Pee!

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought She would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business
they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:
'These girls nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!'

'That's nothing' said the other husband,
'Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said....

'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.''

My Response to my idiot BIL after CC'ing email after email

There is no need to copy me on these matters. My opinions are based on personal experience and are not influenced by anything else.

For the past 13 years, I have sat by and listened to your “exaggerations”, as your family likes to call them, knowing that in actuality you were a narcissistic compulsive liar, having been raised by a selfish liar myself, I recognized the same traits in you that my mother possesses. I have tolerated many of the hurtful things you have said and done out of respect for my husband and mother in law, and most of all my love for the girls, to keep peace in the family. You have disappointed Jerry more times than I can count with your actions, words and lies. The only thing recent events has changed is that I no longer have to tolerate your behavior.

I am not concerned with any ones feelings or relationships; my only concern is that the girls are healthy and happy. I firmly believe that Misty & Rob will be able to give the girls all the love, respect and emotional stability that they deserve. I do not believe that they will constantly try to buy the girls love with insignificant items and gestures, while denying them emotional love. I further do not believe they will make condescending comments about you in their presence as you have done about her while in our home. Whatever events transpired in the past, it is my opinion that Misty’s parentage will be far healthier than yours as you are always preoccupied with “keeping up with the Jones’” and trying to impress every person you come across and using the girls as a tool in that pursuit.

I will offer any assistance I can to Misty & Rob during this difficult time while Jerry & I are still in San Antonio. As little or as much as they may need or want because I believe they have the maturity, sensibility and compassion needed to be the best for the girls, traits that you have always been lacking in.

While unpopular, I agree that time away from everyone in Oklahoma, including mom, is in the girls best interest at this time. It is only with complete separation that I think the girls may come to terms with how they are feeling. If that means Jerry & I also will not see them, so be it. Whatever Misty & Rob feel is best for them.

The fact that you’re entire family has been turned upside down in less than a year and yet you have decided that only Crystal is worthy of being listened to & believed speaks volumes about your character. When everything around you changes so drastically in such a short time span, a logical person would examine what else has changed during that same time and make the conclusion that the change precipitated the problem. Only the selfish person would put blame everywhere else.

These are my feelings and opinions and will be the only time I weigh into this issue. I will not discuss it again with anyone other than Jerry and as a source for your mom to vent her anger and frustration. I will leave it to your brother to tell you how he feels if he so chooses.

Women As Verbal Abusers (ie My Mother)

My Mother-in-Law came across this article when she was surfing the net trying to figure out why my sister in-law is such a manipulative bitch and nearly choked because this article is my mother to a "T". I will post a link to the entire article, but the part that hit home the most was the third paragraph. The article is posted below:

Women As Verbal Abusers
© 2000 Michele Toomey, PhD

Needless to say, gender does not determine whether a person is verbally abusive. It does, however, affect the possibility and the style of abuse that may occur. Since the female stereotype dictates girls and women should be nice, good, pleasant, polite, passive, and conforming, it takes a rebellious girl or woman to become an abusive one. She must rebel against the norm and, unlike boys or men who are expected to use anger to hide what is considered any sign of weakness, such as fear, hurt, disappointment or sadness, girls and women are supposed to express these feelings with vulnerability and hide their anger.

A verbally abusive woman, therefore, is a bold woman who has dared to rebel. How unfortunate that the rebellion tends to take an abusive path. Women need to rebel against the limitation and oppression of the stereotype, they need to dare express anger as anger, but the last thing they need is to become abusive. Yet, very often those women who have the fire to rebel have also had the misfortune of having abuse and violence to rebel against. This is a formula for becoming an abuser as well. Knowing only the pattern of attack or counterattack, rebellious abused women learn the lesson of destroy or be destroyed. Having rejected the role of victim, they frequently take the only other role available in this destructive duel, that of victimizer. Since they are often not the physically strongest opponent, the weapon of choice of abusive women is usually verbal assault, and they often become skilled slashers and crushers of spirits.

Daughters are a major target of abusive women. The anger and resentment that abused women carry in their hearts provide the fuel for directing those feelings at themselves and at their daughters. As women, they are putting themselves at the least risk by targeting their daughters because daughters are the most vulnerable. And as women, it is the most natural outcome of abuse, to be angry at and abuse ourselves for not being able to make others love us enough to treat us well instead of abuse us.

When the question is raised, are women masochistic, I reply vehemently that we were not born masochistic, but we are taught to face in that direction. The trap of the gender stereotype that teaches us to believe that if we are good enough and nice enough, everyone will like us and often even love us, also teaches that if we are mistreated and abused it's our fault because we didn't do it right. Abuse of women is justified by the belief they failed the test of goodness and niceness. It is her fault, somehow, and she is blamed and, in turn, blames herself. If she were only more patient, more giving, more loving, more tolerant, she would be more desired and loved. Masochism is the natural outgrowth of this genderized legitimization of abuse. It, of course, spills over onto daughters of abused women. It is their lot. They represent the failure and the threat.

It is not surprising, therefore, that in some cases, the threat of a daughter is even more damning to a woman than her own perceived failures. If a daughter is prettier, smarter, marries better, is treated better, and, God forbid, is happier, and seen as successful, she represents everything an abused and/or abusive mother wants for herself but feels she can never have. This daughter is, of course, envied and often seen as deserving of anger and abuse. If she fails and is abused by her husband or herself, then she is, of course, deserving of punishment until she changes. The cycle of women as the abused and the abuser is a very painful and tragic one, that goes on basically unnoticed and unattended. Unless physical harm results, psychological battering of and by girls and women is tolerated and often condoned. Sarcasm and ridicule are seen as a natural part of their relationships. Cutting remarks and cruel put-downs are excused, and crushed self- images and bleeding spirits do not count as punishable crimes. There is no public outcry. It's just the way life is. Pretend it doesn't hurt, pretend you don't feel, pretend you didn't see or hear it. Pretend you didn't mean it. Pretend, pretend, pretend.

The acceptance of verbal abuse depends entirely on pretense and self-deception. The corruption of lies and denial is the key to any abuse, but especially of verbal abuse. The only way out of this destructive pattern and the violence it condones, is integrity. Our liberation begins and ends with truth, with integrity. Our oppression is built on lies.

To be liberated:

•We cannot pretend we have the right to verbally abuse ourselves or each other.
•We cannot pretend we are justified when we are abusive.
•We cannot pretend we aren't angry, hurt, humiliated or devastated when we are abused.
•We cannot pretend we are justified when we retaliate.
•We cannot pretend we don't care.
•We cannot pretend we can't help it.
•We cannot pretend we don't see what's going on and what's happening.
•We cannot pretend we are powerless.
•We cannot pretend it doesn't matter.
•We cannot pretend it's all right to pretend.
If we are to be liberated we cannot pretend.
The first step, therefore, in freeing ourselves is to stop pretending. Whether we are the abused or the abuser we must stop any and all pretending. Our protection is the truth. We must let in the truth and acknowledge our use of pretense as a way of escaping the harsh reality. As this is happening, we must protect ourselves from using the clarity as a weapon, and abusing ourselves for having been a pretender. Liberation must be free of all violence and abuse. Judging and blaming must be transformed into self-reflection and accountability.

This is, of course, where the problem lies. It is easier said than done. A woman who is used to reacting by violating either herself or others, is out of control. She is not reflective, fair and accountable, and to make that shift she must make Herculean effort. To stop herself before she reacts means catching herself while her automatic reaction has taken over, and there seems to be no space or time for reflection. The only way this can occur is by a dramatic intervention within her pre-programmed system. She must place herself on "alert" and every time an assaultive reaction is triggered she must step in front of it and stop it, even if she's in mid- sentence. Only a strong confrontation of herself at that point will stop the verbal abuse and only a willing reactor can be stopped. Rather than a duel, there needs to be a truce, and then the reflective one and the reactive one have to agree on what's fair to say and what has integrity. For this to transpire, she must find the courage to face down the out of control reactor/abuser, she must be committed to the integrity of accountability and fairness, she must marshall the discipline it will take to stop herself from automatically reacting, and finally, she must use her brains to process complex information coming from within herself and from others.

We are not masochistic by nature, but we can learn masochism from the stereotypic lessons on genderized power that we are taught. Women who are verbally abusive of others are first and foremost abusive to themselves. Just as we learned these lessons, however, we can unlearn them, and any woman who is verbally abusive to herself and to others can liberate herself from this destructive pattern. It will take courage, commitment, discipline and brains, but it is not only possible to stop this destructive pattern, it is the greatest accomplishment and most valuable gift you can ever achieve and receive. The best part of this gift is that it is within our power to attain and it doesn't depend on others. Needless to say, it is much easier with the loving support of others, but even if some try to sabotage your efforts, they can never stop them. Only you can stop abusing yourself and others. Psychological liberation is in our own hands, so join a support group, get into therapy, and go for it as if your life depended on it. It does!

http://www.mtoomey.com/verbalabusers.html

5 year Chemo-versary!!

Well it's officiall! I am in remission from the Hodgkins Disease I was treated for in 2004-2005! Yay!

Jerry & I are now able to move forward with our plans to relocate. We are very excited. We have spent the past few months de-cluttering the house by sending some of grandparents effects to my siblings in Maine, selling on ebay & craigslist and giving stuff to friends.

After a while, dealing with all this stuff gets to be extremely overwhelming and tiring. We have trash pick up twice a week with the automated 96 gallon cans. These cans are so big I could climb in and be comfortable! We filled those suckers up 19 times!!

Little long, but nice analogy for life

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling... It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.... Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water .. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean ?

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Well it hit the fan...

OK. So my MIL brought the girls down to spend Xmas with their mom. They already have their return tickets to go back to Oklahoma. Between here and Oklahoma is back to back winter weather advisories, frozen roads, snow like hasn't been seen in years and my idiot brother in law decides against everyone elses judgement to drive down here and pick them up instead. Of course one would think he was doing this to spend extra time crammed in the car with 7 people to spend more time with his kids or something but of course not. With my BIL it's always about his needs...

So he shows up on the premise he's come to drive them back to Oklahoma, he picks up the girls but not his mother. You've got to realize that his mother has raised the girls since 2003. She sold her house when he joined the Navy to move with them because he's a single dad. When she sold her house, she gave him all the money to pay off bills and buy a new truck because she naively had faith in her son that he would take care of her as she has taken care of him and his children for the past 6 years. But I digress...

So he picks up the girls to take them out to Sea World (again)and in his usual selfish style arrives at our house 2 hours late after we called to see where they were and he lied. Turns out, he drove all the way down here so he could marry the snotty bitch without telling anyone! He says he came down here because he wanted the Judge that married him and his EX-WIFE to marry them. What a jackhole!

Additionally, they "didn't have room" in the car for my MIL!! WTH!! So this snotty, wanna be christian, bitches plan seems to be that my MIL would just stay with us when they drove off into the sunset. And they wonder why Jerry & I didn't gush all over them going "Congratulations!". Whatever! He's such a selfish bastard!