A Logical Solution to Achieve 100%

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

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Patio Park - Doggy Potty

I'm thinking about getting one of these for the condo...

The Patio Park system, billed as the Cadillac of dog potties, comes with a spacious area of turf, backed by a "picket fence" back wall to avoid wall splashes.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

First let me preface this by saying I had a large Skinnygirl Margarita and am on my second glass of wine!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!

Since we decided to stay here until spring we are looking for rentals.  We are having trouble finding something we like, reasonably priced, pet friendly, 1000+ sq ft and under $1000/month rent.  I found a townhome community that I fell in love with and while searching to see if anything was for rent, I stumbled across a couple we liked.  I decided to also search the sales because there were 3 for sale signs in the community.

Women's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.

Five tips for a woman.....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Foot Note:

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.'

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WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!

Last year I purchased the TV Ears so I could watch TV in bed without bothering Jerry and to use while on the treadmill.  They work great, but after an hour or so they would start to hurt my head.  This is probably just me.  I've always had a sensitive head.  I remember in elementary school my mother would insist on putting my hair in ponytails and it would hurt when she brushed it, but if you winced, you got smacked on the head with the brush, so you learned not to wince.  Even now, if I wear a headband or some sunglasses that are too snug I get headaches.

Anyways, the reason I bought them to begin with is as I get older it seems like the background music/noise on TV keeps getting louder and the dialogue keeps getting softer.  I'm having to turn up my TV louder and louder and rewinding my Tivo to understand what people are saying.  Finally when you can hear the speakers on your TV vibrate from the Tivo, "ding, ding, ding", a solution must be found.

I purchased the wireless speaker that goes with my TV Ears and I am so happy!  I have the speaker set up on my nightstand and use that now instead of the TV speakers.  The speaker really does a great job using something called Voice Clarifying Circuitry to make the dialogue clearer and keeps the backgound noise in the background.  I can understand everything that is said on the TV at half the volume I used to use. 

So as I make my first official purchase to initiate me into old-ladydom, I anxiously await what future gadgets await me as I tread into senility.

Official TV Ears Website - Must be 55 or older to enter!

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Personality Disorders of the Real Housewives (& my mother)

I came across this blog and found it very tantalizing. The author has a psychology degree and has used that degree to "diagnose" the various housewives for our entertainment.

Click here to read her synposis:
Personality Disorders of the Real Housewives

Read on to see how my mother compares to a couple of the housewives.  I have highlighted the characteristics that describe Mommie Dearest

Her diagnosis of Teresa sounds like my mother:

Emotionally Unstable Personality, Impulsive Type at least three of the following must be present:



■Marked tendency to act unexpectedly and without consideration of the consequences



■Marked tendency to quarrelsome behavior and to conflicts with others (my mother must maintain and cause conflicts amongst her children to amintain her feeling of control)

■Liability to outbursts of anger or violence without ability to control the resulting behavioral explosions


■Difficulty in maintaining any course of action that offers no immediate reward

■Unstable and capricious mood

But then Danielle's "diagnosis" also is very Liz-Like:

She has a Tony Soprano type charm I do think Danielle fits the profile for antisocial personality disorder and is indeed a psychopath. Judge for yourself though. Diagnosis is made by observation of a majority of these behaviors:

Selfish, callous and remorseless use of others:


■Glibness/superficial charm (smooth-talking, engaging and slick)

■Grandiose sense of self-worth (greatly inflated idea of one’s abilities and self-esteem, arrogance and a sense of superiority)

■Pathological lying

■Conning/manipulative (uses deceit to cheat others for personal gain)

■Lack of remorse or guilt (no feelings or concern for losses, pain and suffering of others)

■Emotional poverty (limited range or depth of feelings)

■Callous/lack of empathy (a lack of feelings toward others; cold, contemptuous and inconsiderate)

■Failure to accept responsibility for own actions

Chronically unstable, antisocial and socially deviant lifestyle:

■Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom (an excessive need for new, exciting stimulation and risk-taking)

■Parasitic lifestyle (exploitative financial dependence on others)

■Poor behavioral control (frequent verbal abuse and inappropriate expressions of anger)

■Promiscuity (numerous brief, superficial sexual affairs)

■Lack of realistic, long-term goals

■Impulsivity

■Irresponsibility (repeated failure to fulfill or honor commitments and obligations)

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SOLD!!! Well, Under Contract anyway...

Yay!  We received an offer on the house, we countered and the buyer accepted our counter-offer!  WooHoo!!  We are in the 10 day option period for the buyer to get the inspection.  He is closing on his home sale on August 5 and we are scheduled to close on August 13.  We may close a little sooner if he has funding before the 13th.  We hung out with the buyer for a little while today and he seems like a super nice guy.  Single dad and wants his youngest to start his freshman year at Madison since he currently lives in Windcrest and the school there is Roosevelt, which has turned more into a detention center than a high school.

Foods You Should NEVER Feed Your Dogs

Foods You Should NEVER Feed Your Dogs

Because of the unique metabolism of dogs, there are several foods fit for human consumption and other animal species but can be hazardous for dogs. Some of the dangerous foods can only cause upsets of the digestive system mildly while other foods can be the reason for severe sickness and sometimes death. The foods listed below should never be given to dogs whether deliberately or by accident:

Alcoholic drinks can cause intoxication for dogs, the same effect they have on humans. The most adverse effects are coma and even death.

Coffee, tea and chocolate can be toxic to dogs and may affect the nervous system especially the heart because of their theophylline, theobromine and caffeine content.

Garbage, spoiled or moldy foods may cause diarrhea and vomiting due to the multiple toxins. It can also have ill effects on the other organs.

Garlic and onions (whether in powder, cooked or raw forms) can cause anemia and damage the red blood cells because of the sulfoxides and disulfides contents. Onions are more toxic than garlic.

Artificial sweeteners like Xylitolmay result to failure of the liver functions.

Bones from poultry, fish or other sources of meat may cause laceration or obstruction of the digestive system.

Baby food, if given in large quantities may cause nutritional deficiencies. Most baby foods have onion powder which can be harmful to your pet dogs.

Fat trimmings may result to pancreatitis.

Extracts from citrus oil may result to vomiting.

Raisins and grapes can cause damage to the kidneys due to an unknown toxin.

Hops contain an unknown compound that causes elevated temperature, increased heart rate, panting, seizures and even death.

Raw eggs decrease the absorption of a B vitamin called biotin because of the enzyme called avidin. This may result to hair, coat and skin problems. Raw eggs can also have Salmonella.

Raw fish may lead to a deficiency in a B vitamin called thiamine which, in return, may result to loss of appetite, seizures and death in severe cases.

Salt may result to electrolyte imbalance if eaten in large quantities.

Table scraps when given in large amounts are not nutritionally balanced. Table scraps should not be over 10% of a dog's diet. Meat should be trimmed of fat and bones should not be given.

Large amounts of liver may affect the bones and muscles due to the toxicity of Vitamin A.


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Offer on the way!!!

Well Chris is on her way over with an offer on our house!  Hopefully it will be a good one.  The potential buyer wants to move in by August.

If the offer is good enough, we will hustle on the move.  Luckily our large trash pick up is due in a couple of weeks so I can load up the curb again.

Since we missed our desired deadline for moving and summer is already half over, if we accept the offer Jerry and I are thinking about renting something smaller (and cheaper) here and sock away the extra to fluff up our savings a bit more. If we go this route we will wait until winter to move.  I'd rather drive across the country in cooler weather and with my new job as a bookkeeper I am learning Quickbooks wgich will give me yet another skill for my resume.

100 Years Ago...

The year is 1910.  One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes!  Here are some statistics for the Year 1910:

The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.

Fuel for tthe Ford Model T car was sold in drug stores only.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower

The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year ..

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME .

Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!  Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard.'

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars ....

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada , was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school..

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.
Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, Regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health'

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help ....

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !


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