Thanksgiving is Canceled

Well Thanksgiving is canceled. I just wansn't feeling up to cooking and playing hostess, I've been too cranky. Every treatment it gets a little harder and takes a little longer to bounce back. Since I always do Thanksgiving at my house it is a bit depressing. Mom and Jeff are now eating alone, Misty has the twins and Nana's going to our friend Ginger's to spend the day with her family. They are all looking forward to it. It's better off this way anyway. The twins have been sending a cold back and forth with each other for the last week, Jeff is teaching 2nd grade and a lot of his kids are sick, so at least this way we are keeping the germs out of the house. It's a bit depressing, but I have to think of my health. I like Thanksgiving because it is the one day a year I cook usually and our house is structured very well for entertaining. This was also the last year Jeff and the girls will be here for the Holidays. He ships out for Navy OCS on Jan 22. I already bought everything so I am going to pop the Turkey in the oven and prepare the stuff that won't keep. A 12 pound Turkey for only me and Jerry! Last year I made a 16 pound bird for 18 people. We are going to be eating Turkey for weeks!



The good news is I've raised about $2,000 on Ebay in the last 60 days selling off a good portion of my collection. I figure I've sold about 350-400 doughboys so far. I still have about 200 left, but most will be gone soon. It's a little sad for me because they took so many years and travels to accumulate them all, but I'll keep a few as mementos. The treatments have gotten to the point where I can only work about 10 hours on treatment weeks and about 20 on non-treatment weeks. Since I'm paid by the hour, it is a little rougher for us. Luckily the money raised paid off my Husband's 2001 Elantra, so that's one less car payment. His was the big payment ($300, I was sending $500) and mine is only $150, so That's an extra $500 a month to play with. After I'm off all these meds we'll be able to roll his payment into mine and hopefully I'll have a clear title as a birthday present in April. I've been stockpiling meds before December 31 so I can get the most out of my deduction for this year on my taxes and will be able to save a little on meds next year. I have enough Vicodin set aside to kill an elephant now.

Nothing new going on.

Well there's really nothing new to report. It took a few days longer than usual to recover from my last treatment. Tonight I've just been listing auctions on Ebay. In the past 60 days I've had 200 auctions so it keeps me occupied and keeps Jerry busy going to the Post Office:-) Oh well, our bank account appreciates the infusion since I've only been working only 15-20 hours a week. We're not quite to the stage of only eating Ramen Noodles yet! Although even with insurance my at home medications alone run $200.00 a month. I can't imagine how people without insurance manage at all. Each of my treatments runs $12,000, and I have 12 of them scheduled! That doesn't include labs every other week and all the scans. Even after my insurance company disallows and adjusts the cost per their contracts, the treatments still run about $5,000. If you don't have insurance you get screwed more ways than one. First you have to pay out of your pocket, then you get price gouged on top of it! It's the people that don't have insurance you hear about that hospitals charge $100 for a Tylenol. For the record, after my insurance adjusts the cost of my Tylenol to 10 cents at the Doctors Office!



Oh well, I guess I'll climb down off of my soapbox before I really get going. Healthcare is an issue I have very strong feelings and opinions about and I don't want to still be writing at 5:00 am.





PS. If all goes according to plan we will be having a Superbowl/Chemo's Over party on Feb 6, so keep us in mind for your Superbowl plans, we have 2 guest rooms and Aero Beds:-) GO PATS!

I feel like an airhead

Well the fever is being controlled with Tylenol, but I'm still pretty light headed and dizzy. I'm going to rest for one more day because I don't feel like being behind the wheel of the car just yet. Walking makes me feel like I'm floating on clouds and a little swervy. I think my body has just gotten worn out and each treatment takes a little longer to recover from.

It's fever time.

Well I'm sitting here with a fever and chills. I hate having chills! I just took 2 Tylenol and we're waiting to see if my temp goes down. If it doesn't we're off to the ER. If it does I have to see my Doc tomorrow, who himself is sounding pretty sick. Such is the days of our Chemo lives!!

4 more years!!

Well, Bush took the election. 4 more years. Whoopee!! I can't believe Kerry conceded so quickly. Oh well, he's the better man.



It's chemo time again. Lately I've really been wanting to just go out and have alot of fun. I think it's sensing my own mortality after the bad spell a couple of weeks ago and feeling a little unattractive, frumpy and just wierd. I'm sure it will pass when Chemo is over.



On a positive note, I did win a prize in our companies Costume contest last Friday! Whewwwhoo!



Right now I'm just living every day to the most that I can.

The honeymoons Over!!

I've been a little remiss in blogging lately, but the last 10 days have been rough. My Oncologist likes to use the analogy of "Your first Chemo is like your wedding night, you don't know what to expect", if that's the case, my Honeymoon is over! I prefer "Life is like a box of chocolates..." only my entire box consists of chocolate covered cherries, which I hate!!



Over the last 10 days I've experienced weakness, cold sweats, light-headedness, accelerated heart rate, chest pain and even memory loss. We bought our house almost 3 years ago and I can't remember which switch is for the lights and which is the garbage disposal. No one told me I'd have to buy more silverware after Chemo! My husband is painting the Disposal Switch red, so I know not too touch! Talk about feeling like a 10 year old!



I had a Chest CT that showed a small blood clot at the end of my catheter so my Coumadin dosage is being increased to 2mg QD. The Muga showed no heart damage. We think maybe I was just over tired. I hate that I'm nauseas from about 1 hour after I wake up until I go to sleep. Everything I put in my mouth lately seems to make me more queasy. I think the only reason the anti-nausea medicine works is because it puts me to sleep for the next 15 hours so I don't notice I'm nauseas. One good thing about the sleep is that I don't notice how depressed I've gotten the last week. I'm starting to feel a little better, but I'm not near my usual Mary Poppin's, perky self.



I'm hoping that this just a temporary set back and my body will recoup with some extra rest. If this is how I'm going to be for the last half of my treatment, I have no idea if I'll be able to keep working. My boss says yes, but I feel guilty going to work and not giving at least 100%.

Anyone get the number of the truck that hit me!!

Well I definately got a reality check this weekend! On Friday I went for my post-chemo injection. Jerry's been working nights so I haven't seen him much without tubes protruding out of my chest, so we spent the day together for the first time in a few weeks. We did a little shopping and for the first time in our marriage bought something totally frivolous and impractical. Maybe it was the chemo brain affecting my judgment, but we threw logic to the wind and picked up a projection TV. It will take us until the end of next year to pay off, but we don't go out much and other than the mortgage, we have no debt so we figure what the hell. The TV was being delivered but we brought the stand home to assemble ahead of time. I was helping Jerry carry it in (it wasn't really heavy) and before I even picked it up my heart started to pound so hard I though it was going to explode in my chest. Then I got lightheaded and dizzy and almost passed out. I can't even really describe what it felt like, only that I never want to feel like that again. I've never felt such fatigue so suddenly in my life. It really freaked us both out.

Cycle 3 Treatment 1

Well it's chemo time again. I seem to be handling the treatments much better than before. I guess my body is adjusting to the poison. I even managed to go out with my work buddies for an evening out for a going away party. Here is a picture of me and one of the nuttiest people in the office Lani.

Cycle 2 Treatment 2

Well I am handling the 2nd cycle much better than the first. I don't come home on Thursday afternoon and pass out until Monday morning anymore. I'm still not very active, but at least I'm awake!!



I am a little bummed out this week. For starters, before diagnosis I get stuck with the most annoying symptom, extreme all over body itching instead of the most common, dramatic 20-30 pound weight loss (which would have been nice). Luckily I'm not itching anymore and all of the scratches have healed without any scarring. Then when I was diagnosed, I tried to think of the positive, CHEMO DIET!! Finally, I would be able to shed these last pesky 15 pounds that have hung on for dear life since I worked so hard to loose 50 last year. Unfortunately, the steroids that I have to take to combat nausea and keep my immune system up have the opposite effect. I'm up 10 pounds! Geesh, can't catch a break. I thought I would at least have a chance to evict my 'monthly visitor' permanently, but since the treatment is no longer MOPP, but ABVD the chances of that are less than 10%. The old treatment guaranteed sterililty in men and gave women a 50% chance at early menopause. I suppose that's a good thing overall for the masses, but I would appreciate having one side effect or symptom that can be a positive instead of annoying. Oh well, at least I don't have the nausea and vomiting. I just have to deal with jaw pain, headaches and insomnia.

Nothing big...

On Friday I was supposed to be at work at 8:30. Unfortunately, I think I turned off my alarm in my sleep and didn't wake up until Noon! Oh well! I got to work and everyone just laughed and said I must of needed the rest, all 14 hours of it. I don't think my boss even noticed I wasn't there until I called him at 12:15 and told I'd be there shortly. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I like to think that it means I do my job so well that I have anticipated every need and handled all requests so proficiently there's never a need to come see me!



One new chemo development is that it's drying my body out so much I have an almost constant nosebleed from dry sinuses. Considering Ragweed is high right now and I'm sniffling all the time it's hard to believe, but I'm cutting back on the Allegra to try and combat the bleeding.



One good thing is that my headache finally went away.